My Coffee Need

As I am sitting in the office missing my morning cup of coffee, I suddenly realized that the need is not simply just for caffeine, it’s the need for something to do while sitting in front of my computer working, it’s boredom, it’s more psychological than physical. Now, I know I have a history of seeking comfort in food, mostly during my college years, stress would be the thing that made me raid the fridge in the middle of the night, a few hours before a project due with hardly any of the work done.. boredom is a new one for me. I wonder if it’s developed with any 9 to 5 type of job or just my job?

How long?

How long before you think you’d go out of your mind traveling in space? The first 50 mins or 5 hours or 5 days even might be fun what about the 5th month 5th year? Cuz it’s scary out there if you really think about it, you’d be traveling for lightYEARs before you get to stop at a random planet in the middle of nowhere and take a bathroom break and stretch your legs and I doubt there’s gonna be a 7-eleven for you to refill your big gulp cup. How much comfort we actually take from having a piece of seemingly stable ground under our feet that provides sense of security psychologically? A lot. Even though we don’t always realize it, not until you imagine yourself seriously asking the question “are we there yet?” in the pitch black endless space.

I dreamt of a purse.

Not exactly a purse but an olive colored (yes I remember the color) shoulder bag, which is exactly what I need desperately in real life. I remember I was shopping with my mom (you could tell it’s a dream cuz in real life that never happens), and I fell in love with this purse. My mom of course represents the cautiousness in me (which I’m positive that I got from her) I guess, said it was ugly, so after a while I started to think it was ugly too. The main while, while me and mom arguing about how was the purse ugly, I lose my current shoulder bag and some gurl found it and she was going through my stuff. I was not very happy naturally, but I didn’t show cuz the gurl was being polite. That kind of reminds me of my appointment with my eye doctor yesterday for a check up. When I got there he was having fun talking to a female patient/customer/client/friend in the showroom. 10 minutes past my appointment time, he showed no sign of stopping so the receptionist went and got him, then he hurried into the exam room and spent 42 seconds with me and very politely sent me off. Naturally I wasn’t very happy because the first time around (before I paid for anything of course), he was a lot more patient and friendly.

Creativity

Haven’t been feeding my creativity, and it’s dying. you’d thought you’ve got it for life but think again! like life itself it needs to be nourished, with healthy stuff hopefully, and properly cared for. The raw material was so readily available when you were all day hanging out in the art department, you took it for granted. It is not until you’re without it then you’d have a clue.

another day..

I ran 2.75miles at 5mph today.

Recently I started reading my History of Graphic Design text book from college. Art history in general fascinates me, but not art history classes. I remember sitting in the back of the lecture hall in this class tracing random type faces from this book instead of paying attention, while of course my far more talented classmates doodling the cartoon portraits of the professor. What I got out of that class was a letter grade “B” and the thought of “maybe I will read this book someday” and that someday had finally arrived.

Saw an old typewriter today when I past by this art gallery, just thought that it’s just impossible to have 'writer’s block' if you just use an old typewriter instead of a computer - it would be so much fun typing on that thing you wouldn’t wanna stop! And even better you can use the lack of back space key as an excuse to roll perfectly good paper into balls and practice 3 pointers with your trash can.

skirt!

so hot today i had to dig out my skirt and flip flops. it’s like the moment we put our clocks forward an hour we put ourselves forward a season and into summer instantly. my toenail is doing pretty good thanks for asking! and my thoughts on not going to the gym today ..well i figured even though i didn’t have a satisfying work out yesterday, but i did stick to my plan of going every other day, so today is my day off. i can’t cheat myself out of day offs then i would resent and get angry with myself and the result would be not going to the gym at all. now we wouldn’t want that to happen, would we??! ..thought so!

anyways, an article in new york magazine talks about internet and the young users who live their lives publicly on it. this article says that the massive usage of internet among the young people is creating the biggest age gap since early age of rock ‘n roll. pretty interesting.

more time please!

i wish there are drive-thrus where you can go and “super size” your regular day and make it a 26 hour jumbo day. too often i stop at night and realize it’s already the 26th hour of the day and the reading is too exciting i can’t stop just yet and that i am cutting into my precious sleep time. but i have no choice, there are just too many things to do and too little time! if not being able to go to bed early easily is a sign of not satisfied with your life, then i guess i am not satisfied. i wish i could read more, play more, think more, eat more, do more each day, and still be able to sleep more. more more more more more!

am i too greedy?

griffith observatory

i went to the Griffith Observatory today with two of my best friends from high school. my first time there was with the same two gurls, we were still in high school back then. hard to believe that it has been nearly ten years. the Saturn we saw through the telescope last time probably hasn’t changed much, but time has transformed us from the naive teenagers that we were then into the independent mature young adults we are now. seventeen to twenty seven, those are the most precious and most dramatic years of most people’s lives. the gang of friends we came with last time somehow drifted apart over the years, it’s kinda sad but at least the three of us stayed together!

the observatory is much more “techie” and modern after the renovation and became an even bigger attraction for many tourists. we were in huge lines for the shuttle to take us from the zoo to the site. then we were accompanied by a lot of people at the main hall for the space-related displays. then we were in line again to get tickets for the show at the planetarium. 15 minutes after that line we got in yet another line waiting to get into the actual planetarium. but, the show turned out to be worth all the waiting. with visuals of the stars and the space projected onto the dome shaped screen, the audio program briefly explained the history of Astronomy and the physical structure of our solar system, the galaxy and the universe. the dramatic lighting and the dynamic visuals all made it seem so real. Imagine yourself being in this huge darkness of the space emptyness of the universe being surrounded by planets floating in distance and just thin air, miles and miles years and years of it, you realized how small how irrelevant how vulnerable you are, you wonder if anything matters or if anything you’ve ever known is even real, you hear your own heart beat you feel your veins popping, you know you are alive but what’s the difference? it’s merely a breath. you find yourself being once again impressed by how out-of-imagination-ly huge this universe is and examining your life in different perspective and realize.. we are probably not as important as we think we are. it’s good to be reminded of that once in a while so you won’t take small matters too seriously and enjoy life more.

writing

the massive amount of reading on/about/of blogs i did last week taught me so much, then left me feeling empty. i find myself once again standing at a intersection, don’t know which way to go. though most of the blogs out there are not quality writing, but the few that’s good humbled me, and reminded me of my love for this form of art. i love music, i play cute little songs on the piano, but really i am only standing outside of the door admiring it. i love art, i design stuff, but being visual is only part of me. i love literature, i think that might be just the thing that can complete me. how do i go about pursuing it though, i am so far behind? reading, massive amount of reading, spend your every waking second reading! and stick to it! that’s the part that i’m most likely to have problem with.

color is a learned thing

i came to realize that no matter what kinda palette i create someone has already created something similar. so true that there’s only so many different color combinations that look good. even though there are different hues to the same color, still they speak the same feelings and emotions. they might have a different hex# but they look the same next to the same purple/red/blue/yellow/whatever. i don’t even log into my colourlovers account anymore, i kinda just browse through the new palettes and they pretty much all have been done before. so much for this craze it’s just a phase.

strawberries..

are good with whipped honey, lox is good just by itself, or with eggs on toasted bagel, and some hot miso soup, ..sucks i accidentally pressed back key and a lot of my writing got lost ..giant leafy salad is the secret to a good poop, carbs are very important don’t ever get on a none/low carb diet please, for your own good, physically and psychologically but make sure it’s the healthy complex carb not the stuff that goes right into your blood stream.. food is a magical thing, it nourishes it comforts, it brings people together, it tells people apart, it heals it poisons, some starve some over-do it, it’s the most universal religion it’s the common joy everybody’s entitled to, it’s an art form it’s science, it’s physical logical it’s emotional, ..it’s too late into the night to write about something like food, i should of told my toenail story instead..

just do it

i should write more, like use more words to describe each thing i write about, as a way of practicing and as a way of “finding my voice”. okay that sounds good. i mean i do like writing, but a lot of times i don’t have much to say. i have thoughts too during the day but none of them i really really wanna write down. but i should just start writing, about something small, like my toenail (btw, i do have an interesting story about my toenail, but that’s another blog). and not to analyze too much because it’s all about letting your thoughts/who you are flow on paper and finding your voice and apparently it’s something you cant engineer but only “find” through writing. okay so i guess i'll “just do the damn thing!”

oh have you seen my new aim smileys?? they are so cute!

yeah so back to the writing thing, i think i’m just gonna do it!

jan 1, 2007

i spent the first 4 hrs of my first day of 2007 at the giant party in downtown LA. we walked into the party literally 2 mins before the count down we wished each other happy new year. then we went from tent to tent to find ferry corsten and catched most of his set. of course it was awesome as always. i just love the guy’s energy when he spins he seems so into it he dances to his own music smiles at the crowd constantly waves according to the beats and that is contagious. we were right in front of the stage the whole time dancing even thought it was tightly packed. armin van buuren came up at 2am, he was doing a good job i must say, very strong beats that my body follows without much effort. we stuck around until finally we couldnt stand the gurl next to us blowing smokes and screaming “amin i love you, i want you” anymore, she was beautiful and very friendly but sorry we cant hang gurl. we tried to sit down at the sitting area but poorly designed the area was not heated, we tried to get some chicken kebab but it was so freakin expensive and still so many people waiting in line to get ripped off, we tried to walk around and play some games ride ferris wheel but it was too cold to do anything outside. we had to go back in the tent and check out sasha and john digweed’s 6 hr marathon set. i’ve never cared much for these two, but i can see why people like them, there is a reason why they are the world’s top djs, their music has some melodic variation but never loses that strong bass line, loud, so loud you feel the vibrating sensation throughout your body. it was the first time i wore ear plugs to a party and didn’t wear my contact lens so much of the experience was through my other senses but it was fun nonetheless. lots of our friends were there too as i found out later, but many of them left early and we didn’t get to hang out together. korean tofu house were “cleaning the kitchen” when we got there. we were too tired to point out how lame the excuse was and just went straight home and crashed.

slept til 2pm got up made french toast, ate, went back to sleep again, got up made some noodles, ate, putz’ing around on the internet.

according to the chinese culture, what you do what you say what you eat on the first day(s) of the new years could well present what you will be doing for the rest of the year. so now that the first day of the new year is almost over, i’m thinking.. it could be a good year, if i just party, eat, and sleep, then it will be a good year indeed.

what happened to my xmas?

it feels weird coming back after spending xmas weekend outa town. decorative xmas lights are blinking half-heartedly “jingle bell” being hummed in between yawns the entire LA is pooped out plus hangover from the heavy drinking and partying the day before. you sniff sniff as that xmasy air thinning away can’t help but wonder “what happened to my xmas?”

of course i know, i spent it snowboarding at mammoth. it was just not overwhelmingly xmas-ish as it could be anywhere else.

i guess even america’s #1 holiday gets pushed down the line at a typical mountain ski resort kinda town like mammoth, cuz here everything exists for the sole purpose of getting you to “race down the hill”. they keep you warm at the lodge feed you burger coke hot cocoa even alcohol if you run on that, wipe you burp you gear you up with rental equipment hats scarfs socks kiss your forehead send you out ready to take on the world. looking up, the white stuff covers the trails in distance, well maintained well groomed with people sprinkled all over seeming to have a good time, excitement kicks in “have a good run!” the teenage ski bum lift operator cheers you on, within minutes the lift drops you off on the top of the hill. standing there looking down, you realize ..this is it! this is what it’s all about! you close your eyes and take a deep breath, feel some of that cold air filling all the way up your nose your lungs your being. doesn’t matter how you get down, trust me. you snowboard, ski, ski-board, board-ski, sled, man-drawn, or prefer to slide down on your butt, your head, roll down, spill, side ways, 360, ..your choice. no shame. no shame if you are exhausted just ate it real hard gear all over the place your knees are killing you whole body’s sore blowing nose with your sleeve while someone wooshing right by with style. NO SHAME! everybody is a winner! think about all the hottubbing you’d do late, or the bar-hopping, the fine dining in town, they pamper you keep you entertained baby because you are loved here, this town adores you even if you are all bruised up hair is a mess and you stink from sweat. so just do your thing and get down that hill fast so you can catch the last lift.

at mammoth, we only celebrate “fresh powder day”. it was a beautiful white xmas indeed but all we saw was white.